How to: First Date
Where to go, what to do, is dinner ok? Maybe a show? What if I don’t drink? Which places have the best mood? Ahh, so many questions, so little time. On top of scrambling for an answer, you're also hoping to generate a connection with your date. All of it can be quite overwhelming. It's a shitty feeling walking away from a first date thinking something could have been done to make it better, but what. While I can't guarantee sparks flying between the two of you, I can point you to places that encourage meaningful conversations, and help you avoid the ones that prevent it. Take these recommendations with you and never have to worry about the logistical stuff ever again. And who am I? Someone whose had the privilege to go on countless dates; it was actually my job in a way. From my much learning, and teaching, here are the do's and don'ts of How to First Date.
Small caveat. My recommendations are for people who drink alcohol. The suggestions will take place at bars. Personally, I advise against not drinking while your date does. It can create unpleasant tension. I don’t care if you're doing a sober month or simply taking a break. The other person you are meeting does not know you; you are a stranger. Alcohol loosens up the vibe during the right situation but can also make a tense one much more uncomfortable. She'll start having digressing thoughts like, "Why is he not drinking…is he really sober…how much should I have now…I came here to relieve some stress and now im stressing even more…is he a murderer?" I doubt she actually believes the last one, but they all are floating unneeded thoughts; and the goal of a first date is to stay clear of distractions so you can focus on each other and try to build a possible connection. Care to guess which activity gives you some of the lowest chances of doing that?
Dinner. That's right. The movies make it look so great. In reality, staring at each other while taking little “proper size” bites of food sucks. During the date you're thinking, "Do I have anything in my teeth…Can she see the tiny bit of food in the back of my mouth while I talk…F*ck, she has the tiniest piece of arugula on her cheek. The fan is on above tho, hopefully it'll blow it away…I should have taken a course on how to dine properly, really just stabbing my steak like a caveman." I think you get the general idea. The more these pointless thoughts pollute the air, the further it takes you away from having better and more meaningful conversations. "But I've had some great dates over dinner. Don’t tell me its impossible!" I'm sure you have but im also sure that those same dates could have gone better in a different environment. Because what you really want when you're with a person for the first time is comfort and focus; and eating food while sitting across from each other interview-style, unfortunately does not give you that.
"Alright I got it! Comedy shows!" Nope, even worse. Zero, or near zero, eye contact. No conversations besides, "Want to get a drink…Yeah, we have to, it’s a two-drink minimum…That comic was funny huh…Sorry what?...I said that comic was—." What if the show sucks and completely puts a damper on your evening? Maybe one of you get too tipsy and the comedian on stage notices. Proceeds to ask if you guys are dating. Have fun with that one. Something you may not think about is what if you have completely different senses of humor. Opposites attract though, right? Not on first date comedy shows. Perhaps you end up laughing really hard at all the serial killer jokes. She might think, "Ok, he's laughing way too hard at the Ted Bundy stuff." And you're thinking, "Shit, I hope she doesn’t take this the wrong way. The comedian just has great joke structure, im laughing at the craft! The craft!" Well, craft your way home all by your lonesome my amigo.
You might be saying, “Wow it seems like all the fun things are a no-go.” These are all great activities to enjoy with dates you've had a chance to get to know a bit. As previously mentioned, the goal on the first date is to focus on each other, act on possible chemistry, and avoid anything that goes against this plan. And the following paragraph gives you just that: the ideal environments that create the best mood.
Wine bars, cocktail lounges, [some] hotel bars, and speakeasies. Google these places, check out the photos and get familiar with the vibe. What we're looking for is classy, dimly lit, sophisticated, elegant, and a chill ambiance. The right place will set the proper mood. If you're lucky enough to have a speakeasy in your city, then go there. They give off a very exclusive and secret feel. It's like, "Omg, omg, we shouldn’t be here, but we are." Either way, you will feel the energy when you walk into any of these places and immediately understand why you're there. On the inside you'll think, "This is great, she looks excited." But on the outside, you got a calm, cool, and collected demeanor. Your date might even throw you a glance that says, "damn, this aristocrat knows what the f*ck he's doing." And once you have this experience, it will be silly to go back to anything else.
That is it my friend. Hope you take these suggestions and apply them to your future dates. There's a lot of uncertainty in the dating world so having this part taken care of will remove stress, supply come confidence, and give you better chances on creating a romantic connection. Also, spread the word. The more genuinely successful dates we have in this world, the better it is for everyone. Thanks for reading.